Without a firm foundation, any building, no matter how beautiful it appears to the natural eye, is of little or no value. For that building to stand and face the elements, be it rain, snow, storms, etc. the foundation must be worth its weight in gold. If this is essential with regards to a man-made building, how much more when applied to our teenagers and youths? For our teenagers and youths to become what God has created them to be, then without any doubt, there must be a solid foundation, cultivated by loving and responsible parenting.
For many parents, developing a positive relationship with their teenagers and youths has become more of a tug-of-war or a battle of minds. In today’s world, teenagers and youths have been elevated to a higher plane when it comes to accessing information; knowing their rights; peer pressure; cultural influences, social vices etc., so being able to get them on side to develop and grow a positive relationship, is no mean feat. However, because of its importance, parents cannot simply push the matter aside for peace sake but must do everything within their power to win them over. Listed below are a few tips that hopefully will prove beneficial:
- Love is an essential starting point. Parents, please do not be so preoccupied with your profession, circle of friends, the places you need to go and overlook the needs of your teenagers and youths. Give them time; quality time and avoid trying to shower them with gifts as a form of substitute. By taking this route, you will discover in time that they would quite easily have traded some of those gifts for an hour or two spent with you. Let them know by your actions that they are genuinely loved and that the word “love” coming from your lips is not merely a cliché.
- Be involved in their educational pursuits – show interest in what they are doing or plan to study. Discover the things they are good at and help them to make the right choices. A note of caution however is, please do not try to live out your own dreams and ambitions through your teenagers and youths. Parents are sometimes oblivious to the resentment that can result from forcing their children to travel an educational/career path that they really had no desire in pursuing but did so only to pacify their parents’ demands. Take the time to ponder on the fact that all teenagers and youths have been endowed with special giftings from the Lord and it is for you as parents to discover and encourage those giftings. Not every child was born to be a doctor, lawyer, or accountant, so as parents, try to avoid imposing your will on their lives when the Lord is leading them down the path that He has chosen for them. Engage with your teenagers and youths; find out the things that genuinely interest them and play an active role in helping them to achieve and master those interests. However, if they are pursuing a path far below their capabilities then by all means, encourage them to aim higher.
- Speak positive words into the lives of your teenagers and youths. For example, words such as “you are just like your no-good father or mother” or “I always knew you wouldn’t amount to anything worthwhile” is hardly the type of language to encourage a positive relationship. Words are powerful and has the potency to build up or destroy and, unfortunately, many relationships between parents and their children have been severed (sometimes permanently) because of toxic and destructive words. (Proverbs 12:18: “There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword but the tongue of the wise is health.”) Whenever you get the urge to spew out something negative, study to be quiet.
- Prayer, prayer, and more prayer – down through the years, prayer has proved to be a mighty instrument and, at a time, when many teenagers and youths are in a quandary as a result of societal and other pressures, they need your prayers now more than ever before.
May the Lord help all parents to be the Godly influencers they are meant to be and our teenagers and youths to excel to their full potential.